so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
