Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
