in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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