Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
home. puking in laundry basket.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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