Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
