My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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