i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
