It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
