I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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