just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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