Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
