I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
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Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
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just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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