I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
