i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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