I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
