He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
