Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
