sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
