So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
