it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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