It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
