we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize