Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
