OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
