is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
