so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
