he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
