Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
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Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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