at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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