i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
only you would photoshop your dick
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
