I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
