Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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