1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
