I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
