And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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