I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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