Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
