If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
