M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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