thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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