im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
