i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
