why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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