which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
