Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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