Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
