K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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