Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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