Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize