I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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