I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
