I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
