I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
