Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
