Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
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marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
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I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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