You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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