I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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