My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
