THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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