just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
