i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
