Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
