you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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