my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
