God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I enjoy the company of your penis
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
