sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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