You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
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Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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