I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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