watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
