I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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