I think my fart just growled at me.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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