my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
