I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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