I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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