I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize