We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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