i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
