the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I need a burrito and a hug.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
