Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
