oh god the rape fog is back!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
