I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
